The Online Lodge

I once saw a man eat an entire piece of oak furniture, one bite at a time, mouthful after mouthful. It was a painful experience for me, didn’t really understand what was happening at the time, but I suppose you could say that a part of me found it amusing that a man would actively want to ingest pieces of wood. Maybe I’ll never know what that man was up to and I’ll be left to guess at his intentions for the rest of eternity. It’s not that much a problem, really. I’ll get by. It’s a pity though, because the chair that he ate was one of the oak chairs that I really liked, I’d bought it in Marrakech, back before the Great War. It was an ornate chair, covered with beautiful carvings of many an animal. Ah, it was the best thing I’ve ever owned. Maybe I was mistaken in the belief that it had meant nothing to me, maybe I was just trying to hide from myself the fact that in actuality, the chair had meant everything to me. And now it was lost. Upon the realisation of this fact, I asked the man what the devil he thought he was doing, and he proceeded to inform me that he was just finishing the chair leg, and that it was delicious furniture indeed. I grabbed the chair leg, wrenched it from his jaws and beat the man to death. With a smile on my face and a song in my heart.